listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
