I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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