If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
