oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize