No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
