i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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