yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
