Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
