were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
