My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
