her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
