I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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