i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
