like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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