My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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