garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
