Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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