the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
