You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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