hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
