He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
