i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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