I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i will never coherently bang her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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