I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
