Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
