sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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