It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize