Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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