I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
