I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
