Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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