i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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