The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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