why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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