it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
