I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
