I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my shit smells like andre
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
