You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
