is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight