Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.