clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix