i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
