No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
