yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Randomize
