We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
