Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
