Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
