You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
