new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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