When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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