i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
