The maid of honor just puked.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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