You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
