All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
