Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
