He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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