i think i have herpe
just one?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
