In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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