I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
