so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
