Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
