dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
