i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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