I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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