If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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