when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
