Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
