Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And then my night got REAL pukey
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
