Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
PANTIES FOUND
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