Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
