I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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