He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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