I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
