Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
